Losing the fight
by MyimmortalHadenXCharm
Summary: When Ikkaku and Yumichika face off an Arrancar that literally embodies their worst nightmares, what will they do? Will Ikkaku come to terms with how he feels for Yumichika? Will Yumichika ever recover from what he is made to suffer through, and can he ever tell Ikkaku what he needs to say? Contains Non-con, and future Slash. Angst Romance Yumichika-x-Ikkaku
1. Chapter 1

"DIE, YOU BASTAAAARD!"

Kenpachi rolled his eyes as his san-seki ripped through a hollow a bit _too_ enthusiastically. He would have to tell him later to stop fighting with his shirt off. Ah well, you couldn't really tell anymore, what with the way he was drenched in his own blood. You could hardly see his skin at this point.

He'd have to put in a word with the Sotaicho about armor. He cocked his head to the side, surveying the fighting Eleventh squad, wondering why no one had thought of that before. Dishonorable maybe?

'Whatever, It still sucks to be dead.' He grimaced.

Ikkaku Madarame let out another cry, "Nobiro, Hozukimaru!", Extending his Zanpakutou into its yari form.

"Damn fucking idiot bastard sunuvabitch." Kenpachi mumbled to himself as Ikkaku slammed his blade down into the mask of the large hollow he was fighting.

Zaraki grinned in spite of himself though as he caught sight of the mad smile stuck on Madarame's face. Even when his body was one gigantic cut, he still managed to enjoy himself.

"Go, Go, Pachinko head!" Yachiru giggled, shooting and zipping in and out of the lower ranked Eleventh squad members, making a jagged trail to Kenpachi.

"Sakero, Hozukimaru!" Ikkaku shouted, laughing as he tore through the neck of a hollow underling.

"Ikkaku, Pay attention!" Yumichika shouted at him, shihakusho whirling around him as Fuji Kujaku raked a low ranked hollow's face. The fifth seat jumped deftly over the spiny tail that had been whipped at his legs.

Ikkaku spat on the ground, wiping blood from his eye with his wrist, "Hah! Shut up, Yumi, I'm paying attention just fi-"

"Look out, Ikkaku!" Yumichika screeched, looking like he had barely stopped himself from whipping around and pointing wildly as an Arrancar crept up behind Ikkaku, sword drawn.

"Look out, yourself, Chika, Chika!" Yachiru shouted from her place on her Ken-chan's back, sounding all too happy as the Arrancar advanced on them both.

"'Ey you guys, I'm getting a call to the West end. Yumichika and Ikkaku, stay here and keep the perimeter secure- And don't you dare lose!" Kenpachi shouted at the two.

"Yes, Taicho!" Yumichika ran his fingers through his hair, wiping black blood from his zanpakutou's blades onto the grass.

"You got it!" Ikkaku scratched at a minor wound, ignoring the rest of his gashes.

Zaraki shouted to the rest of the Eleventh squad, "Alright you lot, with me- We're escortin' the Fourth squad healers. Under no circumstances should a scratch come to any of them, Understood?"

Kenpachi had gained a strange sort of respect for them after Ichigo had busted in and made friends with Hanatarou; the squad members had even gone so far as to term the period 'hell week': the strenuous training that the captain threw every time a fourth squad member was found beat up.

Everyone knew that Kenpachi would always side with Ichigo on anything. Ichigo might not know it, what with the way Zaraki tried to kill him every time they met, but some even thought that Zaraki considered them friends, _best_ friends. It took a hell of a lot to gain that kind of respect from the Demon of the Rukongai.

Of course Zaraki's respect was his squad's respect as well.

"You are to make yourself into a bodyshield if you have to. Not a single fucking hit to any of 'em or I'll kill 'ya myself. Got it?"

"Yes, Taicho!" The rest of the squad shouted.

* * *

"Ahh... I see I've got you two alone." The Arrancar said quietly, a small smile quirking its lip. He was quite small, taking the appearance of a young man with short black hair, and a mask that hid both his eyes from sight.

Yumichika slid onto his right foot nervously and then back to the left. He didn't like the sound of that voice at all. It was quiet and gentle, but it was oily, and slimy, and made him feel ill at ease. Ikkaku stood next to him, bleeding profusely from his many wounds, panting heavily, but grinning.

"'M not sure I like that-" Ikkaku subconsciously nudged Yumichika behind him with his shoulder, still grinning. Yumichika half-raised a hand, wanting to... He didn't know what he wanted.

He snatched his free hand back to his chest just before he touched Ikkaku's shoulder. The third seat moved Yumichika fully behind him with his arm, careful not to rub blood on Yumichika's shihakushou, still panting and sweating from exertion.

His heart clenched for a moment as Ikkaku moved in front of him, shielding him from view with his heaving, bloody chest. Part of him flipped over at the thought of Ikkaku fighting for him, and another part wrenched at the thought of him being hurt on his behalf.

The Arrancar immediately gave a dark little laugh.

"Hmm, I see. Well, there's no point giving a monologue then is there? Let's begin- What is it that you fear?" Yumichika froze up, that voice was like slime, climbing up and down his spine like horrible spindly spiders. "Your_ greatest_ fear?"

"I don't fear anythin'-" Ikkaku said with a laugh, all too obviously thinking of methods of pain and other forms of violence, or disgusting bugs or embarrassing scenarios, none of which he was afraid of. Yumichika shook his head mournfully.

'Oh Ikkaku, There are things so much worse than that.'

"Now fight me-"

"Hmm," he laughed. "Oh, my dear. Everyone fears something. Now why don't you tell me what it is? It'll be our secret." He tilted his head to the side, eyes hidden beneath the shade of his mask.

"Teme, fight me already." Ikkaku brandished Hozukimaru.

"I don't think I will. I'm interested now." A white hand with black nails slid over the white and black painted blade it held, running its thumb along the serated edge, "Tell me your deepest fear, so that I may grant you it... My dear." The tiniest smirk.

"Fuck o-"

It happened so quickly.

The young man had Ikkaku on his back, foot planted on his chest. His appearance was deceiving. He looked light, but his foot had dug Ikkaku down into the dirt by at least two inches, and he was continuing to sink. It didn't look like he was pressing very hard at all, but Ikkaku's breath still rattled in his chest from strain.

Yumichika gasped, hand tensing on the grip of his sword, but knowing better than to interfere. Ikkaku would never let it go if he ever got involved in his battles, and he had to respect that.

He remembered Ikkaku's battle against Kenpachi Zaraki back in the Rukongai and his heart shook in fear. He knew he wouldn't be able to hear his best friend ask for death again. He knew that if it came to that, if it came to Ikkaku being defeated, he wouldn't be able to sit idly by this time.

Ikkaku whipped his sword up to block the oncoming blade just in time. The san-seki's arm was straining under the force, but the Arrancar looked bored, and disappointed as he obviously had to put in almost no effort to keep his blade in place.

Ikkaku grunted, throwing up his other arm to keep the crossed blades from coming towards his chest. The Arrancar tilted it's head forward, "Naaaa, if you keep grinding it like that, you'll scratch the paint, my dear."

"Uru...sai!" Sweat was beading on Ikkaku's already drenched forehead. Yumichika bounced anxiously on the balls of his feet.

"Hmm-" That little laugh he kept giving was just hitting him harder every time. It was as intimidating as Zaraki Kenpachi's, as sinister as Kurotsuchi Mayuri's, and as unsettling as Ichimaru Gin's. It didn't seem like it was phasing Ikkaku more than annoyance, but it was leaving Yumichika deeply shaken. He felt as though he knew that laugh... Very... well.

"Here we are- Let me see you." The young man used his free hand to reach over his head from the very top.

He curled his fingers around the spined visor he was wearing to cover his eyes and pulled it up, revealing horrible blank yellow eyes- they couldn't even really be called eyes. There were no whites or pupils; just blank yellow. "Let me see insiiiide..."

Yumichika was absolutely horrified, watching as suddenly Ikkaku's arm was forced down by a few inches. This had turned against his best friend the moment those eyes had made contact. Ikkaku was no longer wearing a determind expression; He looked absolutely terrifed, mouth open and eyes wide and panicked.

The fifth seat glanced back and forth between Ikkaku and those horrible eyes, the two rapidly coming closer together as Ikkaku's arm shook under the pressure. He couldn't see what Ikkaku was seeing, what was scaring his normally brave best friend so badly and keeping him from moving.

The sides of that mouth cracked and extended almost off his cheeks in a terrifying smile as the blank eyes stared directly at the san-seki beneath him; Ikkaku had frozen up and was shaking horribly, unable to tear his eyes away.

That grin didn't stop growing, it just kept getting bigger and more amused, "Oh... Oh really... How disappointing. Someone like you holds that as his greatest fear? I was expecting something so much more... Spectacular. This is just... Just _pathetic_ really-"

The Ikkaku that Yumichika knew would never stand for someone to call him pathetic.

Ikkaku did not snap out of it like Yumichika expected him to. He didn't blink and slam his sword upwards. He just shook beneath him, eyes wide as the yellow ones staring down at him and holding him in place. The go-seki had never seen his friend so... so vulnerable.

His shoulder's shook with rage and fear, and finally he couldn't control himself any longer. He would rather Ikkaku be angry with him for eternity than continue to look so helpless there, to stay with that expression of utter terror.

The whimper that loosed itself from Ikkaku as the foot on his chest bore down harder caused something to break inside Yumichika.

"_Stop it!"_ Yumichika screamed, whipping Fuji Kujaku at the Arrancar's exposed back, vocalizing his rage. But he was already gone, near the edge of the trees, standing there, head down, shoulders shaking.

As Yumichika helped the disoriented Ikkaku to his feet, he realized, the Arrancar was _laughing_. Horrible, hysterical, mad laughter; And the more he laughed, the more he grew in size, until he was taller than the trees, mask extending into twisted horns, teeth sharpening and growing in length; He was horrible.

"Hmm-" A gentle laugh was heard, and the Arrancar raised his hand to his mouth and whispered; Somehow Yumichika and Ikkaku both heard it like it was spoken directly into their ears, "Akumu no Kuro."

Thin black lips blew into the hand, almost like blowing a kiss. Dark dust flew into the air and hung there, like paint in water, swirling and twisting and forming itself into a human shape.

Yumichika could no longer ignore the way Ikkaku was shaking; horrible, weak, helpless shaking. His mouth was open and his eyes were wide and were glued to the swirling dust. Yumichika laid a tentative hand on his shaking friend's shoulder, but he wasn't acknowledged.

The smoke formed from the bottom up, the familiar feet and uniform of a shinigami wisping into being as it walked. It built itself upwards, the familiar orange arm guard and collar, the familiar face blooming before Ikkaku's blank eyes.

It was a doll, a life sized doll, that moved and breathed, as beautiful as the real thing, looking imploringly at Ikkaku.

It walked towards Ikkaku with an outstretched hand, eyes wide. It's lips moved, and Ikkaku crumpled, knees buckling as he shook in his spot. Air passed through it's open mouth, mouthing words that Yumichika couldn't hear.

Yumichika wasn't very good at lip reading, but he thought he saw 'Ikkaku, Don't let...'.

"Naku," Was whispered. Immeadiately the doll shook its head, a panicked look coming over it as a tear rolled down it's cheek. A breath left Ikkaku. He looked absolutely devastated, watching the tear fall as he raised his hand.

"Hm..." The Arrancar laughed, before whispering, "Scream... Hikyuu."

He grinned wickedly and stabbed the tip of his sword into Yumichika's doll, shoving it wetly through bone and flesh through its back and out the chest. He didn't stop there, still slamming the blade down until the body was pinned to the ground on the other side, forced to kneel.

Air left the body as its arms lifted, scrabbling at its bleeding chest in slow sluggish motion, gripping weakly at the thick painted blade sticking it to the ground. Its face was a mask of horror, tears slicking its cheeks. The Arrancar's foot slammed down on the doll's shoulder, forcing the blade to slide further through its flesh.

"_Scream_, my dear," The blade twisted, and the doll stilled, head flopping forward limply.

And Ikkaku fell to his knees, Hozukimaru dropping with a clang as his arms shook uncontrollably. Trembling fingers were held to his face, breath coming through them shakily for a moment. Then he screamed into his hands in absolute agony, unable to close his eyes to Yumichika's dead, bleeding body.

After taking another audibly shaky breath, Ikkaku screamed louder, and didn't stop screaming.

Yumichika stood there, heart crumpled in his chest, not knowing what to do. In fact, he had never before been at more of a loss.

The Arrancar seemed to fade from his vision as he watched Ikkaku crawl forwards on his knees, struggling to pull the sword from the doll's bleeding chest with shaking arms and drop it to the side.

And that horrible smile kept growing as the eleventh squad's third seat took the limp form into his arms and held it to his chest, wrapping his whole body around it.

Ikkaku was muttering hysterically and checking the doll's body all over, hands fluttering over the gigantic hole in it's chest.

"You're gonna be okay, we'll get you a doctor and you'll be all right, Yumi, It's okay, don't worry about it, just stay-" His voice rose hysterically the longer he talked, growing more and more choked.

Yumichika knelt close to Ikkaku's shaking form as he tucked the doll's face into his neck and rubbed its back. He set his hand on Ikkaku's shoulder, patting slightly, looking at him closely.

"Please, Taichou will be here soon and we'll get you a healer, just don't give up on me Yumi, please stay awake, don't leave me, you have to fight, please, please just until the fourth gets here, I'll fix you up, and you'll be okay, you'll see, it'll all be fine-"

"SHUT UP!" And that smile was manic as it's voice finally lost it's calm soft composure, "He's _DEAD_, don't you _see?!_"

"_NOO!_" Ikkaku suddenly shrieked, body jerking. He shook the body once by the upper arms before hugging it tightly around the middle, burying his face in its shoulder, all the while screaming and wailing hysterically.

"Ugoke."

And the doll jerked in Ikkaku's arms, rising, blood still spilling from it's chest, now yellow eyes trapping Ikkaku to it. Its head snapped backwards with a sharp crack, and rolled about on its shoulders, coming back up with the most hideous, horrific smile he'd ever seen.

Its sharp nails grasped Ikkaku's throat and squeezed. "Speak," The Arrancar ordered, and the doll obeyed, coming close to Ikkaku's. With Yumichika's voice it said softly but cruelly, "This is all because of _you,_"

That was the moment the go-seki knew that Ikkaku was breaking inside, because the light left his eyes and his horror turned to despair.

"It's because of _you _that this happened to me... My dear,"

And as Yumichika watched, the doll's smile unzipped, body crumpling, revealing an adjuchas that was much too large to have fit in that body without the aid of something foul.

He blinked, as if coming out of a trance. He cursed himself; He should've attacked the Arrancar while he had the chance. Why? Why hadn't he moved?!

Spiked shell, and snapping fangs, long sharp tentacles waving wildly. A white dragon with a deep voice. On the front most spike, was speared, the doll's body, flopping limply, eyes closed.

_"BANKAIII!"_

Yumichika never wanted to hear Ikkaku's voice crack like that ever again.

* * *

"Now that I have you to myself, let's go somewhere more secluded-" The young man whispered in Yumichika's ear, the gentle tone contrasting sharply with the strong grip on the fifth-seat's wrist and neck. He left deep bruises on Yumichika's throat with one hand and held Fuji Kujaku's blades away from him with the other.

The mask hadn't been pulled back down over those eyes, and they glowed slightly in the dark of the forest around them. Yumichika didn't miss the fact that the Arrancar hadn't even bothered to go back for its sword. This frightened him to the core.

"What... did you do... To Ikkaku..." Yumichika choked, eyes watering from lack of air, "To... make him like that?" He rasped. He could still hear Ikkaku screaming and wailing as he fought the gigantic Adjuchas dragon back in the clearing. He had never thought such anguish could come from his afterlife-long friend.

"Fear makes one irrational... Don't you think?" The Arrancar smiled, "Hmm," He laughed, "Come this way." He said enthusiastically, not giving Yumichika a choice in the matter and simply hauled him by the neck.

He bent down into Yumichika's face as they settled near a tree. The Arrancar brushed the Fifth seat's hair out of his face and touched their noses together, smiling gently.

"Why don't you tell me your fear, my sweet?" He spoke in a kind manner.

Yumichika just blinked, taken aback. "I don't..."

The glow of those golden eyes shone upon him, as he was smiled at, "Oh everyone has one, just think about it..." His hands roamed gently over Yumichika's shoulders in a soothing manner as he talked to him calmly, "It doesn't even have to be something that might actually happen... It doesn't have to be rational... Just something that would drive you absolutely mad, scare the life out of you..."

And then he smiled sweetly, his voice still gentle, "Break your... Spirit."

Yumichika's eyes lowered slowly, feeling those pale hands rub his shoulders.

"You won't tell me? There's no need to be shy," He smiled like he was smitten, tipping his forehead onto Yumichika's. "No? Are you embarrassed?"

Yumichika closed his eyes and swallowed. He knew that it was a horrible idea to ever take your eyes off of your enemy, but he just couldn't take it any more.

"Oh, You are, I see. That's all right, my sweet. I won't laugh at you. Let me see you,"

And before he knew it, he was trapped in glowing teal colored eyes, unable to move. Immeadiatly visions flooded him, memories of things that had never happened, things that shook him to the absolute core.

* * *

_"Please, please Hisagi-san, don't tell anyone,"_

_"I can't believe you've kept this secret, You could get promoted,"_

_"Please, I'll do anything,"_

* * *

_"Get out, I never fucking want to see your face again. Kidou-based? Really? I can't believe I had a go-seki with a kidou-based zanpakutou for this long. You make me sick."_

_"Taicho, Please-"_

_"I'll never be your Captain. __Get out before I cut you in half, you weakling-"_

* * *

_"Oh Rangiku, I-"_

_"I heard you're In the Thirteenth squad now."_

_"Yes... They allowed transfer the quickest."_

_"I wasn't gonna say anything but... I seriously can't believe you lied for this long. Soul reapers fight for justice. You may be a narcissict but at least you were honest about your flaws and let them out where everyone could see... Or we thought you did. You're not worthy of the Shinigami. You're disgusting. It's a disgrace to fight next to you."_

* * *

_"Abarai-san..."_

_"Oh Yumichika, are you okay?"_

_"I... I'm..."_

_"Look, I heard what happened."_

_"*sniff*"_

_"C'mere, stop your crying."_

_"Mhmg... Ah-huh-**"_

_"Shhh, It's okay... I'll buy you a drink, come on."_

_"Okay."_

* * *

_"Ayesegawa-san... I find it a disgrace that you could keep part of your soul in such shame for so long."_

_"Kira-kun... I thought you'd understand!"_

_"I do... But I... I think you should've told someone like Hisagi-san did. People wouldn't be as angry about it. It's your own fault, really."_

_"I _know_..."_

_"Oh, Yumichika-san, I didn't mean-"_

_"I know, It's fine, I'm sorry for being like this, I just-"_

_"What?"_

_"I'm afraid of what Ikkaku will do, he was so angry when I told him, I thought he would hit me-"_

_"I'm sure he'll still want to be your friend. He's not shallow enough to only like you for your sword, please don't cry anymore, You make me feel so bad-"_

_"I'm sorry, Kira-kun, I'm just afraid..."_

_"If you're really that scared, I'll come with you when you tell him-"_

* * *

_"How could you lie to me? How could your fucking shikai be such a stupid parlor trick? I thought you were strong like the rest of us but you're no better than the Fourth-squad. Don't bother coming home tonight-"_

_"Ikkaku-"_

_"Madarame-san! You shouldn't say things like that-"_

_"Stay out of this, Kira! You, You... Don't come near me... or I will_ kill_ you._-"

* * *

Yumichika's legs shook as he gasped. He raised a hand to rub at his wet eyes.

Those teal eyes were sympathetic as they shone on him, and as he looked in them again, instead of being consumed and placed in an identical world, he could see things on them like a monitor.

Ikkaku throwing his belongings into the street, Renji offering to let him stay with him while he recovered, Ukitake welcoming him to the Thirteenth squad, Kira and Abarai holding him as he wept into the tabletop of a dirty bar.

All of his friends losing faith in him because of his lie, being alone, so very alone...

"Ohhh, my sweet. You are so brave." Those hands were soft in his hair and on his shoulders, "Your fear is so much greater than your friends is," He gestured towards the sounds of battle still coming from behind them, "So very very brave... my sweet little peacock."

Yumichika's blood froze, his fingers trembling on his sword's handle. Ruri'iro had panicked and was babbling on and on at him to run or to strike now while he could, but after that remark he had stilled in absolute shock.

"Aahhhh, you would've taken that to your second grave... Just stunning, really. So very brave," Those fingers stroked his cheek, "Such a big secret can't go untold... Not something so beautiful... We have to let your friends know." Yumichika's breath was coming fast now, as its hand raised to its lips and blew,

"Akumu no Kuro." He smiled, "Speak," He ordered.

Yumichika's lips moved against his will but it was the Arrancar's voice that came out of him, "Spread your wings, Ruri'iro Kujaku,"

Immeadiately Yumichika could feel and see the vines wrapping him up, coming from a sword copy laying in the grass next to his own sword. His arms were strapped to his sides as he looked down in horror at himself.

_I'm not doing this, what's happening?! _Ruri'iro was frantic. _Call somebody, call for help!_

These vines were nothing like those of his own sword. These weren't the familiar teal rainbow, they were monochrome, black and gray, withered and were jammed up and down with thorns instead of flower buds.

He cried out in pain as they tightened on his chest and dug his arms into his sides, spikes jamming into his flesh.

"Scream... My sweet, Let everyone hear you and come to see..." The vines constricted further, and Yumichika could feel his ribs splintering and cutting into other pieces of skin. His abdomen ruptured and air left his body as his lungs were flattened. He couldn't scream, he couldn't make any noise. He had never felt _pain_ like this, as though his body would be torn apart.

He tried to look down, sure that the only thing keeping his insides from coming out were the vines wrapped around him.

"You know, you look rather enticing when you're all... Trussed up like that," Yumichika's eyes snapped open, black spots dancing in front of them from the sheer blinding pain of it all. His fingers twitched involuntarily from lack of circulation and his head swam as he focused on the teal eyes,

A cold finger ran up his cheek.

"Just beautiful." The smile was so kind, that it was somehow crueler than the malicious smirk that Ikkaku had recieved.

Nobody had called him beautiful in so long, barring himself- Yumichika laughed weakly, though it sounded like a cough. "You really think so," Breath rasped through his broken ribs. "No one's called me that in years."

"Hmm," That laugh again, "Of course... Just gorgeous," Those hands rubbed his sweaty forehead, "Your sword as well... How could you hide that away...?"

"I did it... For myself." He whispered bitterly, "I wasn't brave, you see? I am a coward... I did it for me... Ikkaku would leave me... I'd lose my position... my friends... My home..."

"Ahhnn, I see, but doesn't your friend Ikkaku hide his bankai as well, to stay with you?"

Yumichika raised his eyes wearily. The Arrancar must've seen that when he was looking into Ikkaku, "That's different... He doesn't want a promotion... He wants to... Stay with me... He's staying for me... He doesn't want to be a captain... And besides... He didn't keep that... secret from me... He trusted... me."

"Oh, but don't you hide yours to stay with him as well? You would get a promotion too." The Arrancar said coquettishly, grinning widely.

"I... yes..." Yumichika's head dropped down, as he panted, hands fisting.

"You cannot hide something like this forever, so speeding it up for you won't hurt at all." He grinned, "Let me hear you scream... My sweet."

Teal eyes swallowed him again and he screamed.

* * *

"What the hell happened here?" Kenpachi voiced to Yachiru, as he dropped out of Shunpo. His feet were immeadiately soaked with blood.

"I dunno, Kenny!"

"It's too damn quiet, where did those two go..."

Bells clanged as he turned his head at the noise, and his eyes widened.

At the feet of one of the biggest Adjuchas carcasses he'd ever seen, sat Ikkaku, absolutely _drenched _in blood and what looked like... Yumichika.

Yachiru gasped. "Chika Chika's hurt, Kenny!"

Ikkaku held Yumichika's body in his arms, face pressed into his neck, and was shaking horribly. His arms were tight around the smaller man, bleeding into its shihakushou. Kenpachi blinked as he realized that his third seat was talking to himself like a crazy person.

"'Ey, Ikkaku! What the fuck 'appened?"

Ikkaku's shoulder's jerked, and his arms shook as they tightened further on that limp body. A hand gently turned Yumichika's face into his neck, other arm scooping under his legs and held his broken body close.

"Y... Yu... mich..." Ikkaku stuttered, voice shaking and wet. Kenpachi stopped short, still a few yards away, trying to process exactly what he was seeing. Yachiru for once was silent, staring.

Ikkaku Madarame, the crazy bastard who had challeneged him back in the 80th district, the man who loved fighting like breathing, the man who could nearly outdrink him in a sake guzzling contest, the man who feared nothing, not even his own death, was weeping.

"Is he?" Kenpachi asked, not good enough at sensing spiritual pressure to be able to tell if Yumichika was gone or not.

And then the san-seki just lost it, and began rocking the body and wept openly, speech too blurred to decipher. Tears leaked from his eyes and dripped off his nose and cheeks, wetting the dolls exposed neck. His shaking hands held him in a death grip, keeping him locked in place as he rocked him back and forth gently.

Yachiru hopped down from Kenpachi's back, and took a few steps before halting.

"Wake up... No... No_, please." _Ikkaku's arms tightened on the limp shoulders, giving them a rough shake. "_No-ho_. Get up, _please_ get up,"

Kenpachi blinked at the hole pierced straight through Yumichika's chest, and the unnaturally blank yellow eyes.

"Don't... Don't, you can't... Unohana will fix you... and you'll be fine... No, no, no, you can't be, you _aren't-"_

Yachiru tipped her head onto Ikkaku's bloody arm and whispered gently, "I think he's dead,"

"YUMICHIKA!" Ikkaku wailed, clutching Yumichika's middle fiercely. And Kenpachi's third-seat buried his face in his best-friend's shoulder, and cried.

* * *

Those teal eyes released him again, and Yumichika's eyes dripped as the vision of Matsumoto and Ikkaku being wedded and raising a family faded from his mind.

He was selfish. He didn't hate Rangiku, not even after seeing her kissing Ikkaku, but that was what he wanted for himself. He wanted Ikkaku to love him, he wanted to be with him forever, long enough to settle and have a family. He had never specifically told himself that he wanted it, but he had always known. He had never dared to hope for it, but oh how he wanted that for himself.

"I was holding out on you, you know." The smile was growing again, teal eyes wide.

"What?" His voice wouldn't work any more, and he was reduced to whispering, air seeping our his mouth in rasps. His throat ached horribly, red and raw from screaming so much. His chest throbbed each time he took breath, and he thought he would faint from the pain. Something was slipping out of his belly, something warm and wet, and probably _vital._

"That wasn't your deepest fear at all. I was just playing. You deepest fear... was Ikkaku..."

Yumichika's breath froze.

"All of your true fears involve him. You are so brave, staying with a man you so fear. Ikkaku leaving you, Ikkaku rejecting you, Ikkaku finding someone else, Ikkaku finding out about your sword, Ikkaku dying, Ikkaku becoming a captain and leaving you behind, All of it about him. So very very brave."

Yumichika was horrified.

"I know you have hope too, you've been celibate for almost fifty years now. All for him. You are considerate as well as brave," He smiled, "If you want... I'll tell you a secret,"

He came in close as Yumichika shook, still staring forward, "He's a virgin in this life." He laughed then "Hmm, Isn't that funny?"

"No... No, how do you know that?" He rasped, shaking his head, "There's no way-"

"Oh, but he never brought anyone home, did he? He never came on to anyone when you were all drunk, did he? He hasn't dated, has he? He didn't like that living girl you were staying with back then, did he? He never even looked at that Tenth-squad, red head woman's breasts. Perhaps he's just deficient." He cackled

"No... He just didn't bring anyone because... because we... Live together... He knew that... I wouldn't... Like it..." Yumichika blinked, the Arrancar raised an eyebrow, grinning.

"Hmm, you think so?" He grinned, "I think that you... Are afraid of him. Aren't you?"

"No... Never..." Yumichika blinked. He had always trusted Ikkaku. Always.

"Well... I think you should be... My sweet."

"Akumu" That grin kept on growing, stretching off the face, as the black powder was thrown over the young man's own body, "no Kuro."

And the eyes bled lime green and stared directly at him, trapping him. His body changed, morphing into the familiar man that he had left back in the clearing. Yumichika froze as Ikkaku stared back at him with murderous lust in his eyes.

"Scream," Ikkaku said to him, grabbing his chin with rough fingernails.

And he found his voice, and screamed until his throat bled.

* * *

Kenpachi's strength was tremendous, physical and spiritual both, everyone knew that, but the Eleventh squad's captain still had a hell of a time wrestling the empty body from Ikkaku's grip.

"DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY, STOP TOUCHING HIM! HE'S NOT DEAD, I SWEAR, DON'T TAKE HIM!" His screaming and wailing probably alerted a few other nearby groups.

"Let go of 'im, Madarame, He's gone-" Kenpachi grunted. He was sure that a woman wouldn't hold on to a dead baby as tight as Ikkaku was holding Yumichika. It would probably be easier to get a dead child away from its mother than it was to loose Ikkaku's grip at this moment. He sighed.

"Please don't take him Taicho, I don't want you to burn him, I don't want you to," He begged, still struggling,

"If he's dead, we've gotta, Ikkaku,"

"No, NO, He's not dead, Yumichika get up, Please! Please, Taicho, Get Captain Unohana, Please, please-"

"That won't help nothin'" Kenpachi pried Ikkaku's hands open, and the body flopped into the blood-smeared grass. Ikkaku kicked and screamed, and Zaraki just held his arms behind his back, dragging him away.

"No, no, stop! Let me go to him- Yumichika! Don't touch him, He'll be mad! Yumi- Yumi, wake up!"

Finally, Ikkaku sagged against Kenpachi's restraints, sobbing weakly, head dropping. "Yumi...Chi-Chika."

"Ikkaku," Kenpachi tried again, as he held the weeping Third seat's arms. Yachiru dragged the body away by the ankle, leaving it behind a tree.

"Kenny, Kenny, Chika-Chika's weird, he's turning to sand on the inside-"

"Heh?"

"Yeah, his blood's turning all dirty-"

"Ikkaku, Ikkaku are you listening to me?!... Damnit." Kenpachi smacked him as lightly as he could acrossed the face. He didn't want to break his neck on accident, but he was being hysterical.

Ikkaku blinked, as if he was suddenly wondering why he was crying. He looked just like he felt, barren, empty. He looked down at his released arms, as he they were meant to be holding something.

His arms were smeared with blood, two different colors of blood. One wasn't his. His fingers twitched.

"What... Taicho," He said weakly, landing on his knees as Zaraki released him. "Where did... Yumi... Chika... go?"

Yachiru came bounding back to Kenpachi, hopping up on his back, "It's like a dolly, Kenny." She smiled,

"Hey is that... what... Yumi?" Ikkaku asked weakly, in disbelief, hands still shaking.

"That's not Yumichika, It's a fucking doll. You went... off, and you didn't notice." Kenpachi said wearily, "Quitch'yer crying already." He never did like it when people cried, but this was just painful to listen to.

"I'm not... I'm not ... Crying?" Ikkaku wiped his face and looked at his fingers in surprise when they came away wet.

"Mhmm." Zaraki said, totally convinced, "Get'chyer sword. Which way did they go?"

Ikkaku frowned. "I don't... When did they leave?" He asked himself, looking around, "Yumichika..." He said to no one in particular.

* * *

"Ikkaku, Ikkaku stop it!" Yumichika rasped, tears rolling down his face as he was held down by the neck.

Never had he felt so ugly as he did now.

The pain, Oh the pain was worse than he remembered. This had happened in Rukongai before he had met Ikkaku, back when he still worked in a bar for money. Sometimes the patrons were too drunk to pay up front and just had their way.

It was nothing like this though, this was so much worse.

"You whore, You like it, this is what you wanted-"

"No, no, Stop!"

The voice was Ikkaku's, the body was Ikkaku's, even the smell and tingle of reiatsu was identical. But the eyes were glowing green, and they were staring right at him, into his soul.

This wasn't how had wanted it to go at all. He had wanted Ikkaku to love him, to take him gently, to be able to feel his warm reiatsu surrounding him, to be kissed and held and promised to. This wasn't how he wanted it to be.

Not with blood, not with his ribs broken, or with his muscles tearing; Not with him screaming and crying; Not with lustful growls in his ear and smacking noises as blood stuck to skin and slicked the thrusts.

He didn't want it like this.

"Please, don't- Stop touching me! Fight me fair!" He sobbed.

_How dare he do this, How dare he hurt my master, _Ruri'iro screamed in his mind, _How could you use Ikkaku's body, You piece of scum. It's not even Ikkaku but Yumichika will still remember it that way forever! _

_Ruri'iro, please... Get Hozukimaru... I don't want Ikkaku to see, but... I can't take this... I just can't. _Yumichika sobbed pitifully.

"Nng, Scream... My sweet-"

He obeyed against his will as thorns dug into his body along with a particularly sharp smack to the rear.

* * *

"I thought you guys were fighting an Arrancar, so where is it?!" Kenpachi shouted irritably, as Ikkaku wiped his face in confusion, smearing sweat and blood over his forehead.

"It... It had this trick. I can't... Explain it... It looked at me and I couldn't move... And I saw... Yumichika... and all sorts of horrible things..." He stared at his hands, with red-rimmed eyes. "And then his body was just there... Stabbed through with its sword."

"Well where are they now... Because that sure as hell ain't an Arrancar," Kenpachi gestured towards the Adjuchas carcass. "And that's not Yumichika you're cryin' over."

"I am not... _crying!" _Ikkaku shouted, cheeks red with embarrassment.

"There's no shame in tears. Quit whining!" Kenpachi shouted as Yachiru pulled his hair, "Cut that out,"

"That Arrancar must've taken him-"

"Duh. Your head's rattled. You should go back to the camps. Let the Fourth check you out-"

"No... Not while Yumi's out there with that freak. I have no idea what that guy's doing to him. That trick... It shows you whatever you want to see the least. Your fears."

Kenpachi looked at him strangely, glancing at the empty corpse laying in the patch of trees.

He knew that Ikkaku didn't fear death. Neither did he.

But he knew that death was broad. You didn't have to fear your own life leaving you to still be afraid of death. Some things were more valuable.

Dark hair ruffled in the wind, covering the still smiling face of the empty body.

"I can't leave... " He panted, "Yumichika... Has to face whatever he... Fears."

Yachiru pulled Zaraki's hair, "Stop it, Yachiru," He said,

"So? It's probably just having his hair burnt off or something... Or getting a facial scar." Kenpachi rolled his eyes, "The queen," He growled affectionately.

"No. No, it's something worse... That's why that guy saved Yumi for last... That's why he preoccupied me."

"Well, of course it was a distraction, that's why they're not still here. He either thought that you were stronger and detained you first to save you for last, or that Yumi was stronger, and detained you and saved him for last."

"But he left his sword here... He was just playing with us both the whole time... He didn't even need to use his sword really... He didn't even fight me..." Ikkaku dropped his head in shame, covering his face with his hands.

"We all make mistakes, just grab your sword and let's go-"

Ikkaku took a breath and grabbed his bloody sword from the grass.

_Ikkaku! _

_Wha' _

_Find Yumichika, right now. 'Kujaku just visited me and he was really panicky. Yumichika is in deep trouble. _

_Oh my God. _

Yachiru yanked sharply on Kenpachi's hair, "KENNY! LISTEN!"

"Shut up! Don't pull my hair, Damn brat! Can'tchoo be quiet for two damn second?!" He shouted back in her face. Yachiru ignored him and waved her arms wildly,

"Listen, you guys!"

That's when they heard the screaming.

* * *

Please Please review.

* * *

- San-Seki: Literally: Three-Seat (Third seat)

- Go-Seki: Literally: Five seat (Fifth seat)

- Taicho: Captain (I.e. Zaraki)

- Sakero Hozukimaru: Split- Demon Light (Hozukimaru is the name of Ikkaku's Zanpakutou, and Sakero is one of the commands, Along with Nubiro which means 'extend'.)

- Fuji Kujaku: Wisteria Peacock (Yumichika's half shikai)

- Ruri'iro Kujaku: Azure Peacock (Yumi's full shikai)

- Shihakusho: Literally: Soul garment (Shinigami uniform)

- Akumu no Kuro: Literally: Nightmare of Black (Black nightmare)

- Hikyuu: Brave warrior (Here the Arrancar is referring to Ikkaku)

- Ugoku: Move (Speaking to the doll)

- Kidou: Spirit way, or Demon arts (The 'magic' spells that Shinigami can use without a zanpakuto)

- Zanpakuto: Soul cutter sword (The katana or blade that Shinigami use)

- Shunpo: 'Flash step'

- Yari: Spear- more or less Ikkaku's weapon in Shikai form (Unless he uses his Sakero command and turns them into nunchucks.)

- Urusai: Literally: Noisy. -It's basically saying, shut up.

- Naku: Cry

* * *

Feel free to correct me on any of the Japanese. I am still learning and I had to look some of it up. We all know how accurate the internet is at these things...


	2. Chapter 2

_"Listen, you guys!"_

_That's when they heard the screaming._

Ikkaku's eyes blew open wide. His breath froze in his throat.

Kenpachi looked up sharply even as Yachiru tugged on his hair harder, face with a shocked expression. The screaming coming from the edges of the clearing, inside the woods was definitely Yumichika's. Horrible, choked, panicked screaming.

The words that they could make out were disturbing.

Ikkaku was pale as a ghost by now, as he grabbed at Zaraki's Captain's haori and tugged him forward,

"Come on." He said, "Please, _Come on," _He urged.

Zaraki shook his head sharply as if to shake himself and started running, blood squelching in the grass behind him.

* * *

Yumichika was sure that he had never sunken this low. The twisted, mangled vines of his own Zanpakutou, the thing that he had sacrificed so much for, the thing he could confide in when he was truly upset, were holding him down as the body of his best friend, the man he was so very much in love with, raped him.

He was just a mess of blood now, his backside torn open, his chest and abdomen were destroyed, and he couldn't even fight back with his hands tied at his sides. Kidou wasn't an option either, shameful though it was.

He screamed and cried into the ground beneath him as the vines slackened and withered, falling to his knees. Blood rushed into his arms, fighting for circulation as he clutched at his stomach, trying to catch what had been slipping out before, feeling sick. His upper arms were grabbed and twisted backwards, too far, too _far!_

"Ikkaku, My shoulders will _break- Ahh!"_

"Urusai... UNgh."

Yumichika was sure that he was going to be sick, as his head was slammed back down, body rocking with each blow from the bloody thighs behind him.

He tried to look down at the shattered cage of his chest and abdomen, getting dirt in his eyes. There was a gash that the thorns of Ruri'iro Kujaku's twin had left in his stomach, and now what looked like an _organ_ was coming out along with the blood.

Blood. There was so much blood.

"I- Ikkaku." He sobbed.

_No, Yumichika. It's not Ikkaku, remember. It's an arrancar scum in his body. You need to fight. Fight. Fight harder, Fight until your last breath leaves you. _Fight!

The true Ruri'iro Kujaku was shouting at him in his mind, washing over his breaking spirit with comforting warmth, soothing and stroking him, trying to fix him.

_You are better than this. You are better. Never let someone who can do this to you make you feel ugly. Fight back, and spit in their face. Fight, Yumichika. What would Ikkaku say?_

Yumichika sobbed harder, as his face was shoved down into the dirt, hair being pulled roughly.

_You are going to walk away from this alive, and you're going to look into Ikkaku's face without fear. You are brave, you are stronger than this! This cannot destroy you, You will live long enough to tell Ikkaku the truth! Fight, _fight!

"IKKKAKUUUU!" He screamed, tasting iron and salt as blood tore in his throat. "HELPP MEE!"

* * *

"Hoh," A breath left Ikkaku as he heard the loud scream of his name. They were nearing. He was practically hanging off of his captain, needing support because of his shaking legs.

Kenpachi stopped abruptly and Ikkaku took the chance to regain breath and to say what he had been trying to this entire time, still trying fruitlessly to pull Zaraki forward.

"Taicho, I know you like a good fight, but I think it's best if you'd just-"

"Ahnnn, I see, get it done quickly... I don't think that I'd really want to play with someone who's hurting Yumichika anyway, ne?"

"Ha- Hai." Ikkaku winced, turning slightly green at the noises coming from the woods in front of them. It sounded like a bone had just cracked.

"A'right! Let's get this bastard!" Kenpachi shouted, brandishing his nameless zanpakutou in front of him, holding Ikkaku around the shoulders with his other arm.

* * *

"Hmm, Someone else wants to play," That laugh would haunt him until time turned to dust.

"Can you hear them coming, my sweet?" Hips were grabbed with bruising strength and pulled sharply back against blood slicked legs. Yumichika sobbed again as something released like lava; he writhed as much as he could, and he could swear that he was burning inside, that his skin was turning black and was scorching.

His arms were released, shoulders broken. They flopped uselessly to his sides as he sobbed weakly. His Zanpakutou lay in the grass, blade glittering. Blood and semen leaked out of him; tears wet his cheeks as he smelled Ikkaku on his tattered shihakushou.

He knew it had been an Arrancar playing with him the entire time, but he would never recover this wound.

Ikkaku had raped him.

In his inner world, Ruri'iro Kujaku shed a tear, huddling in the rain, stroking the hair of a bleeding naked body.

* * *

"Kenny, what's gonna happen?" Yachiru asked, almost nervously as the scent of blood rose thickly from the ground.

Kenpachi's eyes narrowed, and all of a sudden he looked absolutely murderous.

"Yachiru..."

Ikkaku froze, listening to the groans and the corresponding sobbing, still a few minutes distance from them. His heart clenched; His hands shook.

"He's... He's ra-"

Kenpachi cut him off there, "Yachiru, I want'ya ta go back to the front lines, regroup everyone and tell them ta' get their asses over to the West front where the Sixth Squad is. Tell Byakuya tha' I'm busy."

"Okey-Dokey!"

"Don'tch'you come back here when you're done, either." Kenpachi looked at her firmly, and she nodded.

He looked at his third-seat regretfully, "Unohana's gonna have a hell of a time."

Ikkaku tugged on Kenpachi's haori with new strength, ignoring all his aches and pains, trying not to burst into tears again as they heard the most horrible thing of all.

Complete silence.

* * *

"Hmm," The arrancar laughed, licking blood from his fingers. He seemed to be having fun in Ikkaku's body as he traced the blood messily all over Yumichika's broken legs and back.

"What, you're not even going to try to run? What a shame." Yumichika's eyes leaked, as he tried fruitlessly to move his broken limbs.

"All right you, Come out!" Zaraki Kenpachi, his taicho was about to see him at the lowest he had ever been.

He tried to curl up into a ball, but he couldn't move his arms or legs. He could only fight to stay awake, to keep from unconsciousness, knowing that he could go into a coma if he went under right now.

"Oh, hello."

Yumichika closed his eyes, face screwing up in absolute humiliation.


	3. Chapter 3

EDIT: I added a few thousand words to chapters one and two. If you haven't reread them, I suggest you do so. : )

* * *

Yumichika turned his face away as Ikkaku and Kenpachi came through the bushes. The look on Ikkaku's face as he took in the scene before him was just unbearable.

The Arrancar's bright green eyes turned on them, smiling, still in Ikkaku's body. He didn't even bother to hide the blood smeared all over him and concentrated on his legs and hips. He just smiled at them.

"Nice of you to join us, my dear." He smiled at Ikkaku before reverting back to his original form, tucking himself into his blood stained hakama.

"You _sick_ **_Fuck._**_"_ Kenpachi snarled, brandishing his Zanpakutou before him, shedding his haori and tossing it to Ikkaku.

Yumichika's breath whimpered in his throat as Ikkaku approached him.

"Yumichika?" Ikkaku raised his hands, not knowing where to touch Yumichika so as not to hurt him more, "Yumi, can you hear me?"

"NNn, It looks like you're in luck, my sweet." The Arrancar grinned, turning back to the heap on the ground that was Yumichika. He raised his hand and blew dust upon his palm, his painted katana materializing in his hands.

Kenpachi raised his eyes to Ikkaku, remembering what he had said as they finished the trip over, that he shouldn't give this guy the chance to begin playing again.

"Yumi, Yumichika-"

Yumichika cringed into the ground, keeping his eyes away from Ikkaku. He wanted the ground to swallow him, he wanted to wither up and die. His broken limbs wouldn't even allow him the dignity of covering himself up, of hiding his bleeding backside.

"Are you okay?" Ikkaku practically whimpered, as he tried to turn Yumichika over as gently as he could.

"Ikkaku, concentrate your reiatsu-"

"Huh?"

"All right you freak, you'd better pray, because you won't be able to for much longer-"

Ikkaku could barely concentrate enough reiatsu in time to form a thin barrier around Yumichika before he and the Arrancar were driven to their knees. Air left Yumichika's lungs as the weight of the atmosphere around them bore down upon him. Ikkaku's scalp prickled and he squirmed uncomfortably, panting from exertion.

Kenpachi's eye patch hit the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

**_The sea is wine red  
This is the death of beauty  
The doves have died  
The lovers have lied_**

**_- Wine Red, Hush Sound_**

* * *

I apologize for the lack of a true fight scene. The Arrancar's death isn't important outside of the fact that it is killed by Zaraki Kenpachi. A drawn out fight would draw the same conclusion: The Arrancar's death. I won't expose you to my excuses for fight scenes, and we can get on with everything else.

I'm going to try and focus this story on Yumichika's recovery, and him deciding to tell everyone everything.

-I cut this chapter down, so that you could have something to read while I finish editing the rest. Hopefully this will keep you from having to wait for too long. (:

* * *

_We lied, we can't go on_

_This is the death of beauty_

* * *

_This is it. I'm going to die. _Yumichika thought as Kenpachi's eye patch hit the ground._... I don't think I can get through this. _If he hadn't already died of his injuries, then his Captain's reiatsu would squeeze that last bit of life from him for sure. The feeling was bittersweet, knowing that he could die.

There was part of him that wanted this pain and shame to end here, right now, but another part didn't want to leave, part of him still knew that he had important things to do.

_But I'm never gonna make it. I'm not going to pull through this. I'll fall into the sky, I'll drown and I'll leave Ikkaku to die. _He thought mournfully as his vision grew black and fuzzy. His eyes leaked as his backside twinged painfully.

He'd never felt so much pain before. He wanted it to just all _stop._

Just as he was saying his goodbyes in his mind, the golden light burst from Kenpachi's body. Just before the blast hit him, Yumichika was washed over with comforting, familiar reiatsu, soothing and stroking him with its warmth. A single wave of beauty and fresh summer air curled around him, hugging him with its scent and feel.

Ikkaku.

Yumichika just wanted to bask in this feeling of affection and love he got as he saw Ikkaku concentrating, holding his hands over his body and focusing his spirit energy. He just wanted to roll in this emotion like it was sun-warmed grass, and for one glorious moment, all his pain was lifted from his shoulders and his cheeks twitched into a smile that no one saw.

Suddenly reiatsu blasted over them and Yumichika's body flattened further, air seeping out of his punctured lungs. He could feel every single splinter of every single broken rib digging into the rest of his chest. He could feel every agonizing break in his legs, and every piece of bone floating in his shoulders and arms. He could feel every heartbeat in the open bone fracture near his elbow, hard white bone out in the air, bleeding steadily into the grass. He could feel every fragment of his broken pelvis and every inch of what was now nothing more than a mess of gore; his backside.

And at that moment, as blood and sperm continued to leak from him, the considerably weaker reiatsu struggling to protect him didn't comfort him any longer. It was the prickling sharp feeling, the horribly and intimately familiar energy that had surrounded him as he was forced upon and raped. It was exactly the same.

All this pain that he had been struggling to overcome pressed onto him, and all at once he knew that this was what hell felt like.

He wished for death, again and again and again, and why on earth wouldn't it come? Why was his vision staying fuzzy but not getting any darker? Why couldn't he escape this agony in the bliss of unconsciousness? Why wouldn't he be allowed to just give up?

That's when he realized, the hands above him were shaking and running gently through his hair. Ikkaku's eyes were rimmed with red and his body twitched every few seconds. And suddenly, Yumichika noticed in the reiatsu, the difference.

There wasn't this emptiness that he had felt when he was being squeezed by his own zanpakutou, he _felt_ now. The heart-crushing sadness and misery that was being poured into the barrier between him and Taichou's energy. The affection, the remorse, and the anger.

For him.

Something touched Yumichika's heart, and bittersweet warmth washed over him once again, holding him securely, but fiercely.

"I promise. I will protect you." Ikkaku whispered, tucking hair matted by sweat and blood behind his ear. Yumichika was too tired and in too much pain to do anything but believe him. "I'm going to fix you, and make you better again." And Ikkaku looked him directly in his cloudy purple eyes as he said it, leaning down and touching his forehead to Yumichika's hair. His breath was shaky in his ear, betraying his strong friends panic.

Yumichika's eyes continued dripping as he met Ikkaku's gaze rather timidly. Those eyes were so brown that they almost seemed black, so... beautiful. Yumichika couldn't hold the stare anymore, and flicked his eyes away ashamedly, trying to control the pain racking his entire body.

Frighteningly green eyes looked up at the man radiating this immense power, and glared. The Arrancar was driven to its knees, panting. This only encouraged Kenpachi to bear down on him even harder, driving him onto all fours.

_Ruri'iro... What should ... I don't know what to do_. _Tell me what to do. I feel so lost. _

_Don't be afraid any more, it's all right, Ikkaku's here. Taichou's here, they'll take care of you. You're going to live._

_I'm just so humiliated. I look so weak and beaten. So useless. They'll never think I'm beautiful again._

Yumichika closed his eyes as tears continued to leak from them, dripping off his cheeks. Ikkaku's hands fluttered over him, still trying to find an appropriate place to touch, a place that wasn't bleeding or broken.

"Please don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry!" His rough fingers contrasted sharply with the way he gently wiped the tears from Yumichika's blood-soaked cheeks, "Yumichika, can you hear me? Are you awake- Tell me! Don't try to move anything, just try to blink or make a sound, or something!"

Ikkaku's voice was a rasp, quick and rushed. Yumichika didn't miss the way Ikkaku couldn't look at his bare backside, torn open and clawed, bleeding. He didn't miss the revulsion in his eyes and how sick he appeared as he gingerly pulled the torn back of his friend's hakama over the bloody skin, trying to cover him as best as he could.

Yumichika twitched his cheek, making a small ashamed noise, grateful for the small return of dignity.

_We're going to die here. All of us. That thing is going to play with us all and then it's going to kill us. We're going to die._

_Yumichika. It's _losing_. It knows it's going to lose. It said you were in luck. Taichou will protect you. You're going to live. _

Ikkaku looked up, eager to get his Captain over to help Yumichika. He shouted at him as the Arrancar lifted its head, eyes bleeding a frightening orange color, raising to Zaraki's face, "Taichou, acrossed its eyes!" Kenpachi glanced at Ikkaku at the exact moment the orange eyes locked onto his face, before whipping his long zanpakutou acrossed the bridge of the Arrancar's nose.

It tried to dart away but it wasn't quick enough and screamed in agony as its eyes were sliced and his cheeks were cleaved.

"Shut up you sick freak. You don't deserve an honorable death."

Yumichika couldn't believe his blood-filled ears as Zaraki stabbed the Arrancar through the throat and strung it up by the neck from a tree using a kidou spell.

No, he wasn't mistaken. He specifically heard the word 'Bakuden'. He would've been struck dumb if he hadn't been in so much pain.

The weight of his body on his broken ribs was becoming unbearable. His abdomen was just on fire. Why couldn't they call the healers already?

"Burn in hell, you piece of shit." Ikkaku blinked as Zaraki ripped out its throat with his bare hand.

_You're going to be okay now, Yumichika. You're going to be fine._

Yumichika's eyes dripped. The thought of continuing to live didn't comfort him. They would never look at him the same. They would never think of him as strong again. They would never look at him and see beauty. They would see this pitiful, broken creature who had been mangled and defiled because of its own inability to protect itself.

They would see the same weak ugliness that he felt and nothing else.

Ikkaku clenched his fists as Kenpachi left the mangled body of the Arrancar to hang by the branch and approached him after snapping his eyepatch back on. Air filled the fifth-seats broken body, and Ikkaku shuddered. "Yumichika!" Zaraki shouted, "Ya' okay?" He nudged him with his toe.

Yumichika whimpered, unable to move at all.

"Damn, 'ya got hit hard. Can't believe you're still awake. Don't think that I still would be." Kenpachi mumbled.

"Do you... Do you think we should get Unohana-Taichou?" Ikkaku asked, clenching and unclenching his hands, not knowing what to do as he looked at Yumichika's limp form. He didn't feel safe moving him as he looked over the way the limbs were bent. "Taichou, please call some healers, we should be hurrying!"

Kenpachi who normally would've smacked Ikkaku upside the head for a remark like that, slipped his Denrei shinki from his hakama and flipped it open.

"Retsu. Send some squad members over to pick up my Fifth-seat... Very bad... Yes... Actually, I think you should come personally... I think you need'ta take 'im back to Seireitei to treat. Yah." He shut the phone and tossed it back in his pocket.

Yumichika blinked up at them, a pained whine coming from deep within him as he tried again to lift his arms. His vision blackened as the pain started to take him over. The agony that his shoulder blades were causing him hit him heavily as he strained to breathe.

Ikkaku placed his hands gently on his arms and on his side and started turning him over, and Yumichika shrieked and flopped like he was on fire, trying to move away from the hands hurting him so badly, to get away from anything touching on his broken bones- He thought he would die from this pain, this burning, he wanted to _die._

Still, consciousness would not leave him.

_You cannot! You will go into a Coma! _

He couldn't answer as he writhed as much as he could, screaming and wailing from pain, even though the hands were gentle. He was turned onto his side and he begged everything he could think of that Ikkaku would get the point and turn him over more quickly.

"Oh my God." The third-seat's face turned a thin shade of green.

"Kami, Yumichika." Kenpachi grunted in disbelief, shaking his head, looking slightly sickened. "How the hell are you still alive?" Yumichika screeched in his mind, '_WHY_ _the hell am I still alive?!'_

Ikkaku recoiled as he laid Yumichika on his back. Kenpachi knelt and brushed pine needles and dirt off of the wet fleshy tissue that was slipping from Yumichika's belly and tucked it back inside the open pocket of skin, next to some other pulsating fleshy masses. Yumichika groaned weakly.

Kenpachi then took the fallen haori off of the ground and covered the shattered cage of Yumichika's chest and abdomen. He shook his head as he stood and backed away from the destroyed body. "He's not gonna make it." He said quietly.

Ikkaku threw up in the grass.

* * *

_Who shot that arrow in your throat?  
Who missed the crimson apple?  
And there is discord in the garden tonight_

_This is the death of beauty_

_This is the time and this is the place to be alive_

* * *

AN-

**How do you guys feel about mpreg****?** Hate it, Love it, Don't really care? (**Yes I know, it's impossible, it's irrational, it's stupid, I know lots of people don't like it**, but I've never done it before, and I'd like to try it out... If I don't put it in this fic, I'll just put it in my GinXKira one...)

Tell me, so I can decide whether to include the plot line that I thought out.

If you don't like mpreg, no big deal, I thought of something else that I could do instead.

Please leave a review, I love to hear what you think. : )


	5. Chapter 5

_**PLEASE READ ALL THE AUTHOR"S NOTES AND REVIEW RESPONSES- I PUT EXPLANATION IN THERE THAT'S NOT IN THE CHAPTER-**_

* * *

So the general consensus for mpreg was either:

_-Mpreg, get the fuck out!_

or

_-Mpreg, I like you, but get the fuck out of this story._

or

_Mpreg, I don't hate you but... You don't belong here. Get the fuck out._

It was sort of amusing, this is the most response I've ever got in this short amount of time. Next time I want reviews I'll just threaten people with male pregnancy, and everyone will be like NO GOD NO ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Okay you guys, no big deal. I'll put it in my Izuru-Gin fiction instead.

To those of you who are actually disappointed that there's no IkkakuxYumichika male-pregnancy in this story, (God bless your heart, by the way) never fear. I'll have IkkaxYumi mpreg in that Truth or Dare thing that I'm making because I still want to do it.

I'll just tell you what my idea for this fiction was, involving the m-preg:

-Yumichika somehow finds out that he's pregnant with the Arrancar's child on his own after he's released from the hospital.

-He starts having dreams, and the Arrancar tells him how it happened and that not only is it half-hollow, it has Ikkaku's DNA, because the Arrancar was in Ikkaku's body at the time.

-He becomes so distressed that when they release him from the hospital he tricks Ikkaku into becoming so angry with him that he punches him.

-His body miscarries the child as a result of this, and has to be rushed to Unohana again because everything is internal. Obviously the 'child' isn't past zygote/blastocyst form so early on, but there will still be alot of blood and... Oh you guys know what a miscarriage is. All that mess will be stuck in his body.

-He continues to have dreams. The Arrancar won't leave him even though it's dead, saying that until he conquers and 'kills' his fears, he will never be free. He is abused and raped more in his dreams. This never necessarily happens but to Yumichika, it is like it has. (This, I will include in this story regardless of male pregnancy. Yumichika will not be free of the mental torture until he gets all his secrets out in the open)

-He mentally regresses and becomes suicidal.

Well, even if you guys liked that idea, I can't do it now because I just gave it away. ^^ No big deal, I'll just think of something else.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and let me know that m-preg in this story wasn't that great of an idea. I love to hear from you guys! It keeps me from doing dumb stuff:

Here's some review excerpts and my answers. I didn't put the entire things in, and the elipses (...) Indicate some skippage.

_La Terrible La:_

_I like your Kenpachi..._

Oh thank you! I was concerned that I wasn't doing very good with Kenpachi.

_I don't really mind if its mpreg or not...__ I'm ok with it._

Thank you for telling me, I know what you meant about it being too sappy...

_There is enough trauma going on to keep me at the edge of my seat._

I should'be named this story 'Trauma'. X)

_If I get my Unohana right... she would... terminate it quietly. She wouldn't even lose sleep over it... due to the fact Yumi isn't in any state to carry it to term._

You really think Unohana would do something like that! Oh my God! See, I haven't finished watching the anime, and I haven't read much of the manga, so I've only seen the sweet but creepy Retsu. Haha.

_If its Ikkaku you think of as the dad, I don't think Yumi will let anyone_  
_touch him like that for quite a while._

Ikkaku _would_ half be the father. :/ That's the weird part. In my head it would be half-Arrancar baby, and Half- Ikkaku baby. And yes, Yumichika loves Ikkaku dearly but he wouldn't be comfortable letting him have sex with him at this moment... -_- He's been raped, not to mention it was _by_ Ikkaku if you think about it.

If there's any smut at all, it will most likely be flip flop- Ikkaku bottoms first because Yumichika is still hurt, and then Yumichika bottoming later when he gets over all of this. Otherwise it'll just be soft porn- Just blowjobs and being naked and stuff. Because I already promised you slash, that's why.

_Sweetlyaddicive:_

_Hey why do you do that to yumi :'(_

I don't hate Yumichika, really I don't. I just had this weird dream about him waking up in the hospital after being in a coma for a few months because he was raped and I just sort of couldn't write that without something bad happening to him first.

_I'm not that keen on mpreg and prefer if you did_  
_something else. Though if you really must then i suppose you'll make it good_  
_to read :)_

I love that you have such faith in me even though you don't like it! It seriously makes me feel all warm inside. X)

_Rainb0wNinja:_

_I love mpreg, but for this particular story, I don't see it fitting in. But,  
then again, it might add to the overall plot. You would just have a lot of  
explaining to do_

You were the one out of two who likes mpreg. X) And even you were like, No, Get the fuck out of here!

Haha. I can't believe you said that Ikkaku might be the pregnant one, that was so funny. I was giggling for a few minutes.

_...Yumichika being pregnant? After everything_  
_he just went through? Poor guy!_

Most people who didn't particularly care about mpreg also said that: Poor Yumichika, Hasn't he been through enough?!

_you should just do mpreg in the ginXizuru fic. It just ...__makes more sense._

Yes Rainbow, I'm taking your advice! ^-^

_Nimue Tsuki:_

Oh thank you :) -You won't have to suffer through it now anyways.

_Wolf D. Dragon:_

_I'd prefer it not in this fic but go for it in another one_

Thank you for your input, :) I really value it.

_Deidara4ever:_

_Oh my...GOD! Yumichika! Oh my God, I feel like throwing up too! Poor  
Yumichika!_

Heh, yeah, I pretty much fucked him over didn't I -_-; Like I said, I actually really like Yumichika and I don't want him to suffer like this for too long. Ikkaku will kiss him better before too long.

_This can't end badly! If it does, I'm going to feel more emo than Yazoo! T_T_

Haha- Yazoo from what, exactly? I assume you mean Final Fantasy... I don't remember him being particularly emo. But I get your point- and because I'm leaving the m-preg out like I thought It's going to be alot less disgusting and angsty. :/

_I love mpreg..._

You were the only other person besides Rainb0wNinja who actually likes it. X) That's sort of funny. Don't worry, It won't be in this fic, but it'll be in my Gin-x-Izuru one, and my Truth or dare one. That ones Ikka-Yumi. : )

* * *

Thank you also to the anonymous reviewers!

I enjoy all input!

* * *

**Warning-** **This chapter contains**, **graphic ****medical procedures**, most likely innacurate ones at that, **and rape references**. If talking about surgeries and organs makes you queasy or is a sensitive subject, carry on in the next chapter when Yumichika's recovering.

If you're thinking: Oh, it can't be that bad, I'll be perfectly fine, THINK AGAIN.

I made my friends naseous when I read the LIST OF INJURIES ALONE. The medical procedures were downright disgusting to them.

Here: If you can't handle Unohana cutting Yumichika's chest open with surgical scissors, then you should probably skim.

If you're interested, I wrote this right after three days of dissection in AP biology. After you get over the initial shock of cutting open a dead animal, it's not so bad, but it gets progressively more rotten and by the third or fourth day the smell is just overpowering. I had to leave for water today because I started getting light-headed.

* * *

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut_  
_My weakness is that I care too much_

_-Papa Roach_

* * *

A few hassled looking fourth-squad members arrived ten minutes later with their Captain and lieutenant. By then Kenpachi's haori had soaked completely through with blood and was sticking to Yumichika's mangled body.

Yumichika hadn't stopped whimpering. One of his broken arms was trapped under the rest of his body, causing broken fragments of his shoulder to dig into the surrounding flesh.

Unohana's fukutaichou, Kotetsu Isane, looked sick as Retsu ordered the members about. They didn't bother with a stretcher, as it would've caused Yumichika more pain. There were too many broken bones.

They chanted kidou and lifted him up without touching him- Yumichika's back curled and his head rolled back, eyes searching for Ikkaku. His broken ribs collapsed around his lungs, keeping him from speaking. He could hardly get enough air to breath sufficiently.

"It's amazing that he hasn't died, let along gone unconscious." Isane commented as they began opening the door to Seireitei. Unohana grimly tucked her chin downwards as she opened her denrei shinki to get the fourth squad to prepare a room back in the Hospital.

"His pain tolerance is just..." Retsu seemed to be unable to find words as Yumichika tried to cough. She adjusted the wet haori over Yumichika to protect his dignity as best she could, as they guided his floating body through the door.

'He shouldn't be awake. He shouldn't even be alive right now. What is going on here...'

She just hoped that Kurotsuchi didn't get wind of this.

* * *

Ikkaku paced in anxiety outside the door as more and more squad members went into Yumichika's room with clean white towels and bandages and came out soaked with blood.

Kenpachi promised that he would be back later as he left to the battlefield to regroup the Eleventh squad.

Now, Ikkaku was alone. Alone with the image of Yumichika laying there.

Blood, God there was so much blood.

Blood had never bothered him before. It had always been the symbol of fighting, of battle to him, but it had looked so much different sprayed acrossed white legs, drenching Yumichika's backside and spine. It looked like betrayal. It looked like heartbreak. It had made him _sick._

Yumichika had just looked horrible as he was taken into the room.

His front half was soaked in the blood that had pooled on the ground beneath him, turning one half of his face and head into a sticky, dirty mess. The lower back of his robes was in tatters, revealing the stark red and white of his thighs and back, maroon colored ditches dug out of flesh, left by nails.

Suddenly the door opened again.

Ikkaku grabbed Hanatarou by the shoulder as he stepped out of the room, a tub of water that had gone in clean and come out completely red in his hands.

"Hanatarou! Tell me what to do, I want to do _something._" Ikkaku said desperately. "Please let me help. I want to see him-"

"I think it would be easier on you to wait until we have him cleaned up." Hanatarou whispered. Ikkaku then noticed just how pale he looked. The smaller shinigami sniffed and rubbed his cheek with his shoulder, wiping blood onto it. "There's just so much damage. It looks horrible."

His shihakushou was peppered with dark blood, smearing on his arms and neck. Ikkaku felt sick. His heart was pounding, he couldn't live with this feeling, this fear that Yumichika might not pull through.

"I don't care, I don't _care_, I have to help him. Let me help you clean him at least."

"I'll ask Unohana-Taichou, Ikkaku-san. For now you can help me carry back more water. If you like of course." He said timidly.

Ikkaku practically tripped over himself to go after the Fourth-squad member as he rushed down the hall to their large supply pantry. They met at least three other members on the way, all hurrying with rolls of gauze and sponges and other equipment, all to Yumichika's room.

"Do you think he'll make it?" Ikkaku said worriedly. Hanatarou sighed,

"Well, Taichou is amazing, but sometimes there's just nothing anyone can do. He's had those wounds out in the open air for too long already. It's amazing that he hasn't died of blood loss already. He hadn't even gone unconscious through all of that. " Hanatarou shook his head, "I think the only reason Taichou came back with us is because she's just as shocked about all of this and thinks that this'll be a good way to study further."

Hanatarou rummaged through the cupboards and shelves as he talked, "I mean, no one ever thought that Yumichika-san's pain tolerance was so high. He shouldn't be alive right now. It's just amazing in the most horrible way."

Hanatarou handed Ikkaku a tub and tossed in a rather dangerous looking sewing kit, needles and surgical tape glinting ominously. It was soon buried by patches and two IV bags.

"Is that for-" Ikkaku couldn't bring himself to choke out the last words. He had known that they would have to sew Yumichika up before using a kidou- if they used one at all - but he hadn't thought about it enough to realize that they would use it elsewhere besides the stomach wound. "For the... The um-"

Hanatarou nodded solemnly as he filled another tub with water and placed three clean towels inside to float on the bottom. "Unohana Taichou is afraid that healing him down there with a kidou will cause more mental damage. Psychosomatic pain is a high risk, as well as him not being able to come to terms with what happened if he's healed too quickly." Yamada sighed, "It's horrible. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. Even Taichou said that this is the most terrible thing she's seen in fifty years and that this is the worst rape she's _ever_ seen." He stuttered on the word rape.

"She said that the only way he could look like that down there was if it had been barbed wire." Ikkaku went pale for a moment, "He just shouldn't be alive."

Ikkaku followed after the smaller shinigami as he stepped carefully down the hall to keep from spilling the warm water.

"Like I said, his pain tolerance is just extraordinary. We have to clean away all the blood and dirt before we can operate, and he manages to stay almost completely still when we're cleaning him, despite all his broken bones. It's just..." He shook his head.

"It's sort of disgusting that he can bear this much," Ikkaku mumbled, wondering if Yumichika had somehow become accustomed to such sickening amounts of pain to be able to take so much. He had never known his friend to be so used to pain, as Yumichika always seemed to avoid taking hits in battle.

"Now normally Taichou would just say no, but I think she might let you in. We don't have everyone here and we need every extra hand."

Hanatarou knocked on the door of the operation room with his foot. "Unohana-Taichou, Madarame-san wishes to come help Ayesegawa-san clean up!" He said timidly through the door. "Is it all right for him to come in?"

The door cracked open and Isane's face appeared. Ikkaku could see Retsu's back as she leaned over the table, and he could just see some bare pale legs speckled with blood and bent in several places.

Unohana's haori was bloody. The healers were bloody. The silver tools on the table were bloody. The floor was bloody. The whole room was just _bloody._

There was just so much blood.

There were a few other people inside, seated officers and low ranked healers standing around the table handing different things to their Captain.

"Are you sure you want..." Isane sighed, "This is really just... Not pretty at all. You may become ill at the sight, Ikkaku-san."

"I'm sure. I can't stand sitting there any longer. Besides, he'll be embarressed knowing that a bunch of strangers were touching on him while he's like this." Hanatarou's eyes dropped nervously as Ikkaku finished that sentence. Isane's cheek twitched.

"Taichou-" Isane said over her shoulder, "What do you think of this?"

"He must follow any and all instructions that are given to the very letter. We cannot afford him to be underfoot. And he must agree to leave immeadiatly if he or Yumichika-san become distressed in any way." Unohana readily replied without turning around. "The only reason I would let him in is because most of our members are still on the battlefield. We need the extra hands."

Ikkaku nodded. Isane pressed her hand on the door to bar entry for a moment longer. She turned to Unohana as she spoke to the patient being operated on.

"Ikkaku-san would like to help you. Would you like him to come in? Give us any sign you can." She said softly. "Just as I said, once for yes, twice for no."

Ikkaku's eyes went wide, "They're... They're operating and they didn't put him under."

Isane shook her head, "He didn't want it," It was clear that she thought Yumichika to be a fool. "He didn't even want pain killers but we drew the line there. He's on an intense round of pain repressors and a respirator. We could barely set him down on the table with all those broken bones. I don't know how he handles this pain. It should be unbearable."

Hanatarou whispered, "He didn't want to be unconscious for any of it, even though Unohana-Taichou told him that the pain would be worse. He was very express about it; he said he didn't want to be in a coma, and he didn't want to be anesthetized. He wanted to be awake."

Unohana nodded toward them, "Come in," Hanatarou opened the door with his shoulder, looking Ikkaku right in the eye,

"Prepare yourself." He said firmly, making sure Ikkaku understood that this wasn't something he wanted to see.

He then nudged the door open fully. He set the water tub on a small table and promptly started cleaning more of the limp body.

The third-seat's stomach twisted and he set the tub he was holding next to Unohana. He stepped around the bloody remains of Yumichika's clothes; They had already been cut off and abandoned in their hurry to save his life. Scissors lay tangled in the already tattered cloth, half-kicked under the respirator-machine.

Ikkaku mentally steeled himself and approached the operating table, trying to stay out of the way of the healers as they washed blood stains from his skin as gently and quickly as they could.

The room was sweltering, most likely to keep Yumichika from losing any more body heat. The smell of the antiseptic was making Ikkaku feel even sicker.

It was absolutely disgusting. Ikkaku had never been one to be squeamish, he had picked apart small animals and cooked them back in Rukongai countless times, and that had never bothered him, but this was just so much different. He just felt nauseated and revolted all over again. He tried not to look directly at the pocket that they had pinned open but he just couldn't help it.

There was so much blood, blood that was constantly being wiped away as it continued leaking out of the edges of the hole and from the punctured organs.

He could see every heartbeat as it pulsed through the masses inside the cavity of Yumichika's middle. His stomach tied itself in knots and he was glad that he had thrown up earlier, that he couldn't throw up again, here.

The most disgusting thing he supposed was the broken bones and the painfully bent angles that the limbs were held at. It was just hard to look at.

A scalpel glittered as it was passed to Unohana and Ikkaku had to look away as she cut open the hole wider, up to the base of the sternum, revealing the gentle movement of Yumichika's lungs and the small hiss of air through the puncture wound.

More blood. There was so much blood in this body, it was unbelievable.

She cut at the edges of the hole and used T-pins to hold down the skin to the rubber of the table.

"Now. Here." She pointed to specific organs with forceps. Kidou was used on a few of the lower organs, and Ikkaku watched as they knitted together and settled back beneath the membranes holding them to each other.

Ikkaku shuddered, gaining a whole new appreciation to how tough Yumichika was. He would've never been able to do this. Not only did it give a whole new meaning to being naked, but it brought pain to a new level.

There was a healer at the head of the table, near Yumichika's face, keeping his chin tilted upwards, to keep him from seeing what Unohana was doing. They wanted to keep him from experiencing any phantom pain from seeing himself sewn up or cut into further. The pain killers were in the gas and in the five some needles in his arm, keeping him as high as a kite, bringing the intense pain down to a soreness, but that didn't mean that seeing himself being cut wouldn't cause his mind to trick him into feeling extra pain.

They couldn't fix his shoulders and broken arms until they secured his organs into place and sewed him together again, Unohana explained. "The lungs too, it's a wonder they haven't collapsed beneath the weight of the broken ribs. One of them even has a hole. Just..." She shook her head as she exchanged her blood covered gloves for fresh ones.

The oxygen mask hissed in its place strapped over Yumichika's mouth and nose. The healer holding Yumichika's chin up beckoned Ikkaku over and told him that he was to keep the fifth-seat's face pointed back until told otherwise. "This is very important. Keep him looking away from the rest of his body. Do you understand?" Ikkaku nodded tentatively.

She took his hand and placed it firmly on Yumichika's head, and made sure that the woozy paitent was listening and knew that she was talking to him before telling him in clear slow words that it was Ikkaku and he was here now.

Yumichika blinked, eyes focusing and unfocusing multiple times as Ikkaku pressed his forehead gently to his. He made effort to make a noise it seemed, but failed, as his breathing grew louder and strained in his throat for a moment. Unohana tolerated it, knowing that a bit of fidgeting was inevitable with the amount of strain placed on the broken shinigami.

"I'm here now, Yumi." Yumichika blinked slowly. Ikkaku gently tipped Yumichika's chin back up again and the healer moved onto a more pressing area after seeing that he was capable of doing the job correctly. They paid him no mind as he whispered and mumbled in Yumichika's ear and stroked him, and simply worked around him. "They're fixing you up."

Yumichika's eyelashes fluttered and his eyes rolled back, trying to catch Ikkaku in his sites for a moment. He tried to make a sound again, breathing hissing through the open hole at the bottom of his lung.

"Sshhh, Don't try to move." He ran his fingers through Yumichika's hair, gently working out the tangles as he slid his nails over his scalp in a soothing manner. "You're so brave." He whispered. Yumichika's eyes snapped to him, focusing sharply before they began swimming again.

The healers didn't pay him any attention as Ikkaku continued to talk to Yumichika, mumbling about pointless little things like what he had for lunch and how much he missed him today and what Iba had been up to and just what Yachiru had done to their rooms and other nonsense that calmed them both. Ikkaku was on one knee, keeping his forehead pressed to Yumichika's cheek to let him know that he was close.

"And then you can help me file my paperwork, I think I messed it all up again." He said quietly, fingers slow and firm on his friend's chin and over his sweaty forehead.

Three different syringes were injected into the middle of Yumichika's chest. More pain killers.

Ikkaku took a deep breath as glittering scissors were handed to Unohana. She blinked to herself as she slid the blade into the open pocket of Yumichika's stomach, keeping her hands out of the way of the fourth-squad member who continuously dabbed away at the still-bleeding edges of the gaping hole.

She squeezed tightly on the handle of the blades for a moment and snapped open Yumichika's ribs at the sternum with a sharp snip, seeming unphased by the large crunch.

Yumichika's body jolted foreward, torn muscles in his stomach trying to tense as he let out a loud groan.

"Yumichika-san, is there any pain?" Yumichika blinked twice, obviously lying as he tried to relax back into the table. They turned up the repirators knob a few ticks.

Ikkaku dropped his eyes, keeping his forehead pressed to the side of Yumichika's face to avoid more of that blood. He had looked for a moment or two, eyes wide, at the heart and lungs and the disgusting white fibery membranes holding them together, the purple veins filling and unfilling with blood. It was just nauseating. He didn't find Yumichika disgusting, he never would find anything about him that way, but he could honestly say that this was more of Yumichika than he ever wanted to see.

Even through all the years they had been together, he had never even seen him completely naked before, let alone his _insides. _

Blood began sputtering from the hole in the lung, a wet disgusting sound that made Ikkaku think of Ukitake. Yumichika coughed weakly.

"He tore his throat from all that screaming. It just traveled down." Hanatarou commented. That was not good, Ikkaku guessed.

A large syringe without a needle was handed to Unohana, one that looked rather like a baby-feeder, and was stuck gently into the bottom of the lung, "Mask off."

The healer came back and slid the mask off of Yumichika's mouth and nose and turned his head sideways onto a towel.

Hanatarou quickly explained that they didn't want to cut open the other lung even though there was blood in both. They would have to get Yumichika to expel the blood out the mouth.

A healer placed their hand on Yumichika's diaphragm, ready to change his breathing pattern. "Please try to be as still as you can, Yumichika-san."

Unohana sucked out a bit of blood from the lung, depositing it into a clear plastic bag. She then suctioned air from the lung and then pressed it back in. Yumichika choked momentarily, as air was sucked from both lungs and pressed out without his control.

And then the syringe was removed, full of blood and Yumichika coughed violently, blood speckling his lips and the towel next to him.

After clearing his airway they placed the mask back over his face. Yumichika panted weakly, hiccuping on a blood bubble every few moments.

A kidou was used to close the hole in the lung and all of a sudden, Yumichika's skin was on fire and his body flushed, turning a peachy pink color. He could feel heat radiating off of him and soon his hair was soaked with sweat. Ikkaku kept a hand on Yumichika's chin as he dipped his other hand in a nearby water tub and held the cool wet skin to his sweltering forehead.

Yumichika let out a breathy little sigh, seeming to sink back into the table.

Unohana was then handed back the scalpel, and gently cleaved back the skin from the broken rib fragments. "Now," She said softly. Ikkaku watched as three healers cast kidou on the floating pieces of rib, moving them back into the proper places. They picked some shards that were floating in the open abdominal cavity out and placed them back in their respective spots. A collar bone snapped sharply into place. Yumichika whimpered.

Her hands glowed as she held them gently on top of the open flaps of skin as she used one last large kidou repaired his snapped sternum into place. Blood welled to the surface of his healed chest as the skin closed and healed.

Yumichika gasped and stuck to the table, panting weakly.

"Ikkaku-san," Hanatarou gently spoke, "Do you know much about bandaging small wounds? You could do the superficial cuts from where you're sitting, while we set the bones."

"Oh," He startled, "Yes. I can do that." He kept his eyes to himself as Hanatarou showed him where to clean. He dabbed gently at the scratches left by the thorny vines he had seen before with antiseptic soaked cotton, wiping away blood without pressing too hard upon Yumichika's newly healed ribs.

Ikkaku heard Yumichika make a noise in his throat, and his head jerked once, "Yumichika-san, you must remain still or we will have to anesthetize you. We must set your bones correctly," Unohana warned. Yumichika stilled, eyes trying to roll in Ikkaku's direction. Ikkaku placed his hand back on his chin and rubbed his throat with his thumb, while keeping his face turn upwards. The little circles seemed to sooth him.

"I'm right here, Yumichika." He said as calmly as he could, trying to deny the jittery feeling of adrenaline pounding through his veins as he folded gauze over a larger gash and taped it down.

After that Ikkaku moved back to where Yumichika could clearly see him and watched them begin to set the broken bones in his limbs. He couldn't watch them set the open-bone fracture and simply held Yumichika's face to his chest as he jerked and whimpered. "Shhh," He said, feeling sickened that the pain could be so great that he could feel it through the round of pain killers and antibiotics. "Try to be still," He whispered.

With a snap, the break was fixed, and Yumichika's eyes began to drip weakly.

"Calm him! He will choke to death if he begins heaving. _That_ is guaranteed." Ikkaku's heart jumped and he desperately tried to stay calm as they moved right on to the other arm, snapping the multiple breaks into place. Yumichika began to writhe and whimper horribly.

"StmpH!" He moaned desperately, hiccuping through his mask as tears wet his swollen cheeks. One of the healers turned up the knob on the respirator.

Hanatarou sterilized the wounds on Yumichika's arms and put small bandages on them. After they completed the healing kidou on the left arm, they revealed wrist straps from beneath the table.

"We'll tie him down after we heal his shoulders. We can't have him moving so soon. The bones are set and weakly healed, but they need to knit together by themselves or he will never fully recover. We can't have them rebreaking." Kotetsu explained.

It only got worse from there. His shoulders were still broken, he was told, and there was more damage on his back and rear. Unohana placed the coils of intestine and the newly cleaned liver back in their places and used a small kidou to repair the connective tissues that had held them in their spots.

Unohana yanked the bloody T-pins from Yumichika's skin and tossed them onto the table with the rest of the bloody steelware. Opening the sewing kit, she selected a large needle and a wirey black thread.

Yumichika's skin tugged upwards with each pull, as she worked quickly.

Large black stitches ex-ed over the gaping hole in Yumichika's abdomen creating an ugly sideways 'u' that started at the bottom of the ribs, cut through his belly button and ended on his hip .

"There won't be a scar. We will reopen the wound later to sterilize any infections and then use a kidou." Unohana told him. "It will still be very sensitive to touch, but there will be nothing to see."

Ikkaku nodded. Retsu smiled at him.

"Yumichika-san, we're going to mend your legs and pelvic bones and then we'll turn you over." Yumichika's body jerked and something was moaned breathily into his oxygen mask.

"You will rebreak your arms if you move like that so soon," Retsu reprimanded. Yumichika tossed again in distress, eyes rolling to Ikkaku. His eyes seemed to clear and he seemed to break through the wooziness of the gas for a few moments as he spoke louder and more clearly into the gas mask.

The healer who had been at his face translated, "When he's turned over, he wants Madarame-san to leave."

Ikkaku solemnly nodded, not wishing to add to his friend's embarrassment. He gripped Yumichika's hand gently, pleased when he felt the fingers twitch. "Okay, I'll go in a minute then."

Yumichika's purple eyes blinked weakly. Ikkaku wanted to say something to reassure him that he still loved him so much anyways and that he still wanted to be his friend and that it was no ones fault. That he was still a strong person. That he was still beautiful.

That he would be lost without him.

He didn't know how though.

Yumichika writhed and tried to keep from making noise as they set his pelvis and hip bones. They turned the gas all the way up but the agony of it all still seemed to tear through. He grew more vocal, and the noises began to sound like screaming instead of muffled moans.

After some particularly sickening snaps and pops they utilized a large kidou to heal them all at once. Yumichika was by then a sniffling mess, sobbing quietly, eyes lost and filmed over.

"Iimmphka-" He said as loudly as he could, blinking in shock at the ceiling.

"Yumichika?"

"Ah-ee... Mmphan Phee-" He said, sounding terrified as his eyes floated aimlessly.

"The drugs are strong, Yumichika-san. Has your vision finally fuzzed over?"

"MMn-" He whimpered. Ikkaku placed his hands on his face and Yumichika stiffened before he recognized the reiatsu and scent.

"He can't see anymore?" Ikkaku asked in wonder, moving a finger in front of Yumichika's eyes.

"All that he should be able to see now is different intensities of light. No color, no shapes."

"Mmnp-" Yumichika blinked blearily. "Iimphka-"

"That's you," the healer told Ikkaku.

"Yumichika? What is it."

"Pleassee... Leavvve." Yumichika said loudly with difficulty, tongue slipping.

"His body's finally going completely numb." Retsu said with satisfaction as she turned the respirator knob down a bit. "Madarame-san, you did excellently. He was in such distress before you came in, you did a very good job calming him. I'm proud of you." She smiled. Ikkaku scuffed his foot on the ground, thanking her for allowing him to come in as he bid Yumichika goodbye.

"You haven't been healed yourself yet, Madarme-san. My unseated officers will see to you if you stand around in the lobby long enough looking like that."

Ikkaku blushed as he realized that he was still covered in blood. He had forgotten that the waxy sticky sensation he felt when he moved was dried blood caked all over his body.

They quickly and efficiently turned Yumichika over, ushering Ikkaku from the room.

"I'll come back as soon as they're done Yumichika! Promise!" He shouted as they closed the door.

He wiped blood from his hands, and suddenly everything he had just seen hit him full force and he ran to the bathrooms.

He threw up again and washed his hands and arms over and over, clawing at his face as he looked in the mirror and saw that unearthly, horrible grin. That grin that he had seen on his own face when they had found Yumichika not three hours ago.

The blood, smeared upon his own body. On his legs, and his hips, and his groin.

Yumichika hadn't just been raped by an Arrancar, it had been by _him._

His arms shook as he leaned over the sink, knuckles white on the porcelain edges.

He took twenty-some minutes to pull himself together before moving into the lobby to wait for service. Some free, unseated healers rushed to him and dragged him to a small room to treat his gashes.

Even as they let him go home to use the shower and wash himself clean, the blood just didn't stop coming.

It was all over him, Why, why did he feel so guilty?

Blood, blood, everywhere.

Pale legs peppered with a black-red fluid flashed in front of his eyes and he collapsed on the wet tiles, face next to the drain, watching the brown and red water swirl down the drain.

The bleeding just never _stopped._

He began shaking horribly again, wondering how Yumichika would ever be able to look him in the eye again.

He knew it was pathetic and weak, and that he didn't deserve to be the broken one right now, not when he was the one who had got off easy, but he couldn't help it. He had been pulled to his edge.

There, while he was alone and naked, where no one would ever know or see, he cried.

* * *

Review, Review! I'll write faster if you do. ;)

I am terribly sorry if you were disgusted. :l At least I skipped over them stitching him up on the inside, where his rape-wounds are.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to all you reviewers!

Echoingbreeze: Thank you for your reassurance. I am always worried that I divert to far from the original characters personalities. And I'm glad you liked my villain! We'll be seeing more of him soon~

Nimue Tsuki: Yep. Tried to make it realistic. - _ - I think most people were kind of disgusted though.

Rainb0wninja: Yeahhhhh. It was pretty gross, ne?

Sugar-ninja- Yeah, hopefully I'll just get into the romance part of it and leave the angst behind.

La Terrible La: No 'Rancar babies for Yumi. -.-

Deidara4ever: Don't puke on your monitor! Haha

* * *

Chapter 6

* * *

Ikkaku anxiously awaited Unohana's report, shrugging off his Captain's demands that he 'Sit the fuck still'. He couldn't sit still, he felt sick. Every moment he spent sitting still, his stomach roiled and twisted. He had to pace, and even that made him feel lightheaded.

Yumichika had never had to spend any time in the fourth division before, except the required checkup.

Ikkaku couldn't even remember the last time he had gotten hurt in a battle.

"Do you th-"

"God, Shut _up! _For the last time, I already said he's gonna be fine. Shut up already." Kenpachi said this without real conviction, sounding slightly anxious himself.

Finally, the door opened, and both heads lifted. Retsu got right to the point.

"It would be easier to tell you what part of him was left undamaged." Unohana sighed as she closed the door to Yumichika's room and met Ikkaku and Zaraki in the hallway.

"The strain is so great upon his body that we are afraid that too many healing kido may cause him to regress further. If we had left the bones broken or the organs open to the air, he would die of infection though." She shook her head, "Choices, choices."

"He'll live though," Ikkaku said. "He'll live, won't he?", He said nervously when he didn't receive an immediate answer.

"He may live. It's half and half at this point," Retsu said grimly, as she held up her clipboard and began to read.

"The evidence of the injuries sustained points to severe beating. No trace of zanpakutou contact has been found, and all skin breaks are caused either by nails, teeth, or the barbed vines recovered from the scene." Kenpachi had cut a vine from the sword copy and brought it back at Unohana's request.

"Brain activity indicates major trauma, PTSD is to be expected, in fact we think it would be safer to keep him in a coma to keep his own mind from hurting itself. He wasn't just beaten up, there was another factor, as all injuries are agitated." Unohana sighed again, deeply. "Panic. He tried too hard to escape and hurt himself more."

Ikkaku inwardly squirmed.

"It seems there was a great pressure put on his middle, causing his ribcage to snap in half and collapse, squeezing his organs, his abdomen was torn apart, and his liver was almost lost."

She paused then, and Ikkaku waited for her to go on, "Deep mental trauma," She repeated, "And rape."

"Injuries?" Zaraki asked gruffly as Ikkaku's knuckles turned white.

"Sever concussion and brain swelling, dislocated lumbar vertebrae, shoulder blades both completely shattered, two broken arms, one with an open bone fracture, both legs broken in multiple places, Broken collar bone, every true rib snapped in half, and three false ribs on either side broken in half. Ten of his ribs were broken in multiple places and floated, cutting into organs. One lung punctured, Punctured kidney, punctured spleen, ruptured large intestine. Infection risk is high. His rectal passage is torn eleven inches back."

Ikkaku clapped a hand over his mouth, going green. Kenpachi looked up at the ceiling, rubbing his forehead.

"Minor injuries include cuts and gashes all over his chest and back, claw marks on his legs and arms, and bruises."

Ikkaku put his hands over his face, "Oh my God. This can't be happening."

"We told him we were going to put him into a coma, but he told us that he didn't want that." Unohana gave a deep sigh, glancing back at the door. "Healing kidou were used on most of his organs and broken bones, but the stress became too great for him when we went to heal the muscle and skin damage that he sustained from the rape. He became too distressed and was unable to remain still. He was anesthetized and stitches were utilized."

Kenpachi shifted uncomfortably.

"When he wakes up, we will sedate him enough that he does not agitate his injuries. If he is ready to talk to you, then we will allow you entry. Until then, I can only allow you five minutes."

* * *

"Looks horrible." Kenpachi said bluntly, voice tight. Ikkaku glared at him, rubbing Yumichika's bandaged head.

"Don't say that to him."

"He can't hear anyways." Kenpachi stated the obvious.

"Still... He won't rest easy." Ikkaku stared back at Yumichika's broken body. The bandages were red and brown all over. He smelled like antiseptic and... Hospital. His breathing was raspy and sticky through his open mouth.

One of his legs was on a splint. That one had rebroken.

"Admit it though, it's bad." Zaraki crossed his arms, avoiding looking at Yumichika at all costs. "Say it."

"No." Ikkaku plopped down next to Yumichika's form, elbow on his knee, chin in hand.

"He can't always look good. One of 'ya should just admit it." Kenpachi shrugged, "I think your lucks just run out finally or something."

"Taichou, be quiet." Ikkaku glared at him. Kenpachi rolled his eyes.

Yumichika coughed in his sleep, and immeadiately moaned and awoke from the pain against his ribs. He blinked blearily around the room, remaining still.

Ikkaku and Kenpachi stared, remaining silent. Yumichika began to cry.

"Yumi, Yumi, what hurts?"

Yumichika just sniffled pitifully, jerking awkwardly under the sheets. The bedspread was turning stickier and warmer and _redder_ the more he moved.

Zaraki opened the door, glancing at Ikkaku, "I can't watch this. I'll come back later." Ikkaku didn't even turn around.

"Shhh, No, no, no, don't do that," Ikkaku said desperately, wiping at his tears, "I can't stand when you cry."

Yumichika was what you would call a pretty crier. His face didn't get red or puffy, his nose didn't run profusely, but his eyes got big and round and glassy and diamonds dripped down his cheeks. His lip wobbled and his lashes sparkled. Sparklets streamed down his straight nose.

Ikkaku hated when anyone cried. He felt helpless. Especially for Yumichika.

The fact that Yumichika hadn't immeadiately asked for a mirror scared him more than the crying did. He had a feeling that that's why Zaraki left. He had known something was very wrong.

"Please don't, Yumi. Just tell me what to do."

"T-" He tried to speak, but his voice was a whisper. He couldn't talk. His large glassy eyes blinked emptily, seeing right through Ikkaku.

"Just whisper."

"Turn the kno-" His voice cracked. "Knob... Up." He wiggled his fingers at the end of the soft cast on his right arm, "There... Over there."

"Which direction?"

"...Right."

"Okay. Does it really hurt that bad?"

"So bad."

Yumichika wriggled awkwardly again, eyes swimming and crossing and unfocusing over and over.

"Tell me what you need, and I'll get it for you."

"Could you get me..."

"Yes?"

"The third seat of the Eleventh squad.. I have a message.. for him." Ikkaku startled, waving a hand in front of Yumichika's face. No flinching.

Yumichika's eyes rolled back and he began twitching. Ikkaku scrambled over the bed and slammed his fist down on the panic button.

* * *

Ikkaku walked home, stark white.

He never wanted to see that again. Not ever.

He never wanted to see the multiple IV lines jammed into Yumi's thin arms. He never wanted to see that bandaged... everything. He never wanted to hear the rasp of his breath again either. He didn't want to.

He'd been so quiet, so still in that bed, eyes closed, twitching in his sleep every few seconds.

The Lieutenant's quarters that had been donated to them were so empty and silent, the light from the candles that Yumichika had lit earlier that day shining on the Calligraphy scrolls on the wall.

Wax dribbled onto the wooden table, smoke trailing through the air.

Ikkaku curled up in Yumichika's futon and shook all night, yellow eyes staring back at him from the wall.


End file.
